I knew from a young age that I would most likely wind up marrying a Jewish man. I dated people from a wide variety of backgrounds, and I simply did not feel comfortable with anyone else. Why? you ask. After all, I am ethnically Chinese. Shouldn’t I feel most comfortable with other Chinese people? No. For the overwhelming majority of Asian Americans, their experience is an immigrant one. Mine is not. My husband’s family and mine came to the United States around the same time. We share similar cultural experiences and memories.
I grew up surrounded by mixed race kids. The one thing I noticed again and again? Embarrassment at the Asian parent. I once attended a class taught by a Eurasian instructor who was passing as white. When I outed him to his students, I got angry phone calls. So when I became a parent? I swore never to allow my children to be ashamed of me, or their Asian heritage. And they are not. If you ask them about their ethnic background, they will tell you they are Chinese. Oh yes, and Jewish.
How have I accomplished this? By being the most visible member of the family. Today, my oldest daughter came to me and fell on the bed, giggling because a classmate saw her on television and kept following her around all day, whispering “Smush the clown.” When the coolest things that happen to my children come through me, I am the first thing they talk about, not the last.
I have always gotten attention. For whatever reason, I am memorable. It used to make me extremely uncomfortable to have people approach me. During my corporate career, I tried to hide. To fade into the background at conferences and meetings. Eventually, I came to realize that as long as I am going to get attention, I might as well own it. Make it work for me. For the last seven years, that is exactly what I have done. And the pace? Has accelerated over the last two.
I made my husband a promise when our children were babies – I would not make the kids do anything they were uncomfortable with. And I kept that promise. When our son stopped enjoying baby modeling, I did not renew the agency contract. All three kids LOVE going on television. They have been complaining about my recent appearances without them – I promised I would start looking for opportunities for them during school breaks.
Also? While my constant changing keeps giving my husband whiplash, it has reinvigorated our marriage. After he gets accustomed to each change, I can see his pride in me increase. My husband talks openly about me at his job. When I visit, co-workers ask about my new book and upcoming speaking engagements.
Every day I wake up grateful for everything I have. Because I have far more than I ever dreamed possible.
Kathy Zucker is an international social media Shorty Award winner, mother of three and a startup founder at companies including the Metro Moms Network®.
