We have to fight to be visible
I have been invisible for most of my life.
How is this possible, you ask? I am a graduate of an Ivy League college. A person with a long corporate career, followed by a longer one as an entrepreneur. I am an international award winner. The mother of three children. A wife. A community leader. And yet, despite all that, I am frequently ignored. My words go unheard.
Invisibility is unmistakable. You create something incredible, that takes a tremendous toll on your time and life obligations. People around you ooh and aah. And then? Nothing. Silence as time piles up to bury your achievement.
The first time it happens, you think, oh, people in charge of media decisions don’t know about it. So you reach out to them. Create relationships. Help others. Foster friendships. And the next time you do something amazing? You make sure they know about it.
Still nothing.
By the eighth or tenth time it happens, you know this is no fluke. You are being ignored. You watch people around you receive rave accolades for far lesser achievements. The message is clear. You don’t matter. Your achievements don’t matter.
At this point, you have two choices. You can bow your head, accept the inevitable and bury yourself in busy work. Your children need new shoes. Snow boots are almost impossible to find. You move away, seeking a new beginning. Maybe things will be different somewhere else. But they are not. Because the reason why you are invisible? Is because you do not fit the accepted paradigm of success. You don’t have the right look. Did not come through the proper channels. Maybe, if you work hard and keep trying, you will receive the occasional article written about you. But as long as you keep going through traditional channels, people will expect you to fit a recognized model of success. To pay your dues to the system. And even then? The gatekeepers may not let you through.
There is an alternate route. It is a long, arduous one. A friend will tell another friend how amazing you are. You meet. Are introduced. And then? You do something that showcases just how incredible you are. And? You do it publicly. As publicly as possible. And then? Other people — because there are always people watching — will see it. They will file that information away. And then tell another friend, who two years later will contact you with an offer that is perfectly tailored to what you stand for.
Two years? you ask. Yes. That is how long it takes for word to spread. But once people know about you? There is no stopping you.
Will you make mistakes? Absolutely yes. Will the repercussions be severe? Also yes. Because you are doing things publicly, you open the floodgates to both the good and the bad. But when the alternative is to toil endlessly in private and receive crumbs of recognition, hate mail feels like love letters.
Kathy Zucker is an international social media Shorty Award winner, mother of three and a startup founder at companies including the Metro Moms Network®.
